Being poison sucks

So I think I am going to start blogging again. It's not fair for my thoughts to be stuck in my head without any outlet to let go. The thing that bugs me is who has been reading my blogs. There are always around 3 to 4 who view the page. To them I say thank you so much. I don't know if you guys are real.. but it means a lot to me that someone is paying attention to me

So what is this about me being poison. A couple of months back I've been poison by a high inducing chemical reaction called dopamine. What does dopamine do it shots you with high level of euphoric levels of pleasure in the brain that makes you high. Its kinda like the feeling of getting high on drugs or alcohol. The problem with this dopamine inducing side effect is that you have the bends (the feeling that junkies have when they don't get their fix) when you are not in that state. It makes you feel worthless, insecure and just down right crappy. So for a couple of months I've been feeling the side effects of dopamine in my system. I get high and then I get low... high and low. It is really an awesome feeling that comes with a feeling of regret. So finally, this week I finally can snap my brain out of it for a while to think clearly for a bit...

So what did I realize after I got some sense of clarity. Everything I got during my high wasn't a lie but it also wasn't forever. The feeling I got was given to me by someone who has got the same feeling that was given to someone else. That person was unaware of what said person did to me but I don't blame that individual. It wasn't that persons fault. It was my fault for getting that chemical suck in my brain. So what now? Nothing much... I am still ok but my brain needs to be rewired again... I don't know how but baby steps. This blog helps me a lot... This is my sanctum to just release my inner thoughts... I hope I do get better but seriously... if you guys ever had dopamine in your system. It is an awesome feeling.