This week has been a very melancoly week. I notice that the longer I don't have sex the worse it becomes to my mind. But I have already accept the fact that I am alone. I maybe married but I don't have anyone to talk to or tell what is bothering me. It's okay... at least I can write about my problems. I am still the luckiest guy in the world and just take it a day at a time
Oct 12 (unmemorable)
• Wife woke up in a frenzy. Started yelling at everyone on text. Got so angry and didn't let me in
• Ordered pizza for lunch
• She ate her sleeping pill and didn't wake up
• In the evening brough her out in the car for a drive and then she went back home and slept
• Not a good day. She hurts herself. Everytime she does that, a part of me die inside
Oct 13
• Wife is still not well
• I cooked some curry chicken today
• In the evening we went to the park to give leftover bread to some fishes. Saw some turkey, deers as well as monkey
• End of the day wife is feeling a bit better
Oct 14
• Ate lunch outside with wife after helping her do work
• In the evening pick up cleaner. She plans to stay the night before going home.
• Went to the mall in the evening since wife wants to get out of the house. Pick up H1 from uni and ate at Chillis. Did some shopping and went home around 10pm
Oct 15
• Today I decided to make some baked potato with all the toppings such as butter, beans, and mushroom beef sauce
• In the evening H1 came with her boyfriend to finish the food
Oct 16
• This morning everyone needs to wake up early since wife got an appointment at the doctors in the morning
• We arrive early and was number 2. We had breakfast first
• Doctor came at 11 and after that we headed home and picked up H2. Bought family mart for her
• Had to pick up the maid again and this time she cooks some fried rice for dinner
• Playing a lot of dead cells every night. This game even addictive even with cheats.
Oct 17
• Another doctors appointment today. This time is her psychiatrist and as usual I am the problem for her behavior. Sometimes I wonder does she sees me as a person or I am just here to make her happy at the expanse of my happiness. Sigh... Nobody is going to see this for a wihle so as much as I love my wife I think that she has stop being a wife to me and we are now more roomates
• Ate at my burgerlab and they made a new roti canai beef and chicken burger. The burger is not bad. Basically it taste like roti canai
• H1 came back after this it will be a long holiday for at least 5 days
• In the evening everyone ate instant noodles
Oct 18 (unmemorable)
• It should be a lazy Saturday today but after class wife called the whole family to hang out and say we are doing things that she wanted to do
• Went to eat some Mr. Mee. New menu with a bit high prices
• We were supposed to bring mother in law for shopping but she replied us late and when we came back she went to sleep. In the end everybody just hangs in the house while I did some classes, exercise and played more dead cells
• Told my best friend how am I feeling because brain has been acting up. I felt a lot better after telling him what was bothering me. In my mind I thought we were a couple but that is just my minds way into getting a dopamine hit. I miss that... getting a dopamine hit from someone. I hope one day I can get it for real. Get it like this its great but its not sustainable and it is not good for the long run
• Something is wrong with my other best friend. But they have always been the private type so I don't want to pry
Overall this week has been a sucky start and a sucky end. I think that is how life goes. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. A brain reset is important and I think I need to stop doing the other thing as well. Next week the only thing in the schedule is wife minor precedure. Other than that is just things as usual. I need to be better
No comments:
Post a Comment