Week 44: It is H2 brithday

This is the last week of October. It is my sweet H2 brithday. Other than that I made a clear decision on how to move forward in the marriage. I think it is for the best since it would make me better to concentrate on other things. My new friend is not texting me again. Hope she is okay. If anything happens to her I would be really sad

Oct 26

• Today I did 17 classes which was a record for me 

• Cooked some mushroom sausage pasta 

• H1 was being her selfish self since wife ask her to drive the car at work. She refused saying that she was busy. In the end she cried because she didn't want to get yelled at by wife. I yelled at her as well because she is crying. I am so annoyed.

• Took wife's car to get a washed

Oct 27

• Did lots of classes again today

• Made some dry curry chicken with butter rice 

• Wife wasn't feeling well to drive so after sending H1 to uni early in the morning I had to drive her to class. She couldn't walk so she had to use the electric wheelchair

• Pick up and send maid in the evening 

Oct 28  (unmemorable) 

• Today wife didn't want to work 

• I cooked some tauchu squid, fried veggies and fish. 

• Today I made the conscious decision to let my wife go of her wifely duties (the only thing I wanted is sex) for me. I think it’s not fair for her to put on the pressure and I don’t want to feel sad and angry everytime I got rejected. What does this mean in the future. It means my wife is just my roommate. I won’t touch her unless she wants to be touch. I won’t initiate anymore. I think I’m done. I cried because I was sad. But I think it’s for the best. She won’t the pressure of being my wife anymore

Oct 29

• H2 first day of school after a long break (School from home) 

• Wife decided to drive herself with the wheelchair

• I just ate some leftovers after class. Took a nap and then went to get some family mart for H2

• In the evening pick up wife and left her car for H1 

• Slept quiet early

Oct 30

• Today cooked some pasta bake for the girl. Made a lot so I gave one tray to H1. H1 shared it with her roommates. What made it special because I put some hash browns in it 

• H1 decide to come late in the evening because she has no class tomorrow and her mid term break has started 

Oct 31 🎂 

• After H2 finished school we all packed our bags from celebrate her birthday. Mom in law got free hotel rooms in the middle of the city. The hotel was not that great. But I like the view 

• My new friend has family trouble now. Basically they are behind on house payments and need 2k for the house. You know the more I think about it, the more I think that she doesn’t want to be my friend. Or she is not in the right headspace to be my friend. It’s okay. The funny thing is I manage to secure the money if she needed it. That’s me. I will try to help a friend if I can and if it’s within my means

• Had sushi for dinner. Ate a lot of sushi. After that we went to the next mall to take some pictures. Ended the day with some juice before going to sleep 

• Oh is H2 birthday today. She is 14. I love her everyday and she is the reason I do the things I do. I can’t see myself being any different. 

With that October is done. This has been a month that goes up and down but mostly down. I really have made the decision to stop asking for intimacy from my wife. After 19 years I think it is time. Now let’s just see I can survive the next 19 years. Only Allah will know. 

Nov 1 

• I can’t do classes today due to this place having really bad connection. I didn’t want to risk it

• Around 11 we went to this beautiful Mediterranean cafe in the heart of the city. The building was more than 200 years old so that means there were no elevators and you need to climb a lot of stairs 

• After that came back to the hotel and took a nap

• Evening kids went out by themselves to the mall to get some fried chicken and me and wife got some simple porridge and noodles. Ended the day with some shopping 

I am behind 11 classes right now. So thus starting the process of working 9 hours for 5 days a week to catch up on my classes. I know that is not the ideal situation but I need to catch up. H1 is on her school break so there is that thing I need to handle. I hope my friend will text me next week. But if there is isn't, I can only fear the worse.